Keeping on

Criticism is a nasty thing we all have to deal with. We can't expect everyone to accept everything we do. There will be people who make fun of us and hurt us intentionally. 
The people who accuse people wrongly and try to hurt someone by accusations are the ones who damage others.
It isn't right or fair to others. We must learn to love and accept one another. What is the point of intentionally hurting others. It doesn't make you look better and because you say it doesn't make it true. To purposely try to ruin peoples lives and relationships is WRONG. If you can't accept yourself and love yourself (not be IN LOVE with yourself) there is a difference then you will NEVER truly be happy.

Allowing someone to control you

It is crazy how I used to assume marriage and a relationship was supposed to work. I knew ultimately that things weren't right, but I also thought it wasn't so bad. I thought there was something wrong with ME for the longest time because it wasn't just him that was mean to me, his mom was too. He spent most of his time trying to convince me to let him buy drugs and TELLING, not asking, me to go buy liquor for him. I just dealt with it and kept slinking lower and lower into myself to where I thought I really was pathetic and worthless.  I used to tell people I was completely talentless and couldn't do anything right because that is what I was told by them.. I figured it must be true.
I was pretty good at pretending things were ok in front of my family. The only times I ever complained was when he really upset me by getting drunk and calling me a bunch of bad names. They always told me to leave but I thought it would be better eventually. Within the last 2 years of our marriage,  I started telling friends at work how much I wanted a divorce, but I had no idea how.. he told me over and over throughout the years that I would NEVER make it without him. He told me I would never have a career or be successful in anything and I believed that. I was so nervous to go try anything that I often screwed up job interviews and lab tests in college because he would be in my head telling me I can't do it, then his mom would pop in telling me I wasn't good enough to do it. After a while I gave up on everything. I just quit trying and sat at home and got lazy like he wanted.
After that wasn't good enough for him, he started telling me how much better all his friends teenager girlfriends were than me and how I should hang out with them in order to be like them. It was all for his own personal pleasure to have them around. Then he would brag about his sister buying a nice home or a new car and then tell me I can't have nice things because I'm not good enough for them.
Even nearly 3 years after leaving him he still sends me messages monthly telling me I am trash and worthless then goes and tells anyone who will listen and agree with him. It is sad he can't just move on and leave it alone but no... his ultimate goal is to hurt me in life and try his best to destroy anything good that comes my way. He has even threatened to have his friends tell my husband I cheated on him with them just so he would leave me. He sets me up with questions he knows will anger me so he can take it to a lawyer and attempt to get my visitation with my kids taken away. I am sure his lawyer is actually his mother but it is the problem that comes out of his mouth that is hurtful. I just wish he would just stop and leave me alone. I don't understand why I deserve to be treated this way. I am not mean to him. He will never ever be happy with life until I am starving, homeless, addicted to crack, in jail, and never able to see my kids again. I have news for him, it will NEVER happen...

What is real beauty?

Harshness of a word

People aren't always the nicest to each other. I know, I am not always polite. The way one speaks to another can be the fine line between making someone smile and making someone completely suicidal.

How being bullied can ruin your life

I was bullied. . Bullied as a kid, and badly in my teens years. As a young kid it didn't affect me.. as a teen, it still haunts me into my 30's. I was bullied by my ex husband so badly that even after 2 1/2 years of divorce I still don't have my witt about me. I often find myself getting frustrated in stressful situations because I feel like if I don't do everything perfect that someone is gonna come scold me for it or call me names. Sometimes when someone gets heated with me for little things, like if I don't understand them or if I can't answer their questions it scares me.
I used to get called stupid a lot. I know I am not stupid...but I always feel as if everyone else thinks I am. It was because of years and years of being told I was that my confidence in myself is feeble. 
It is sad really what a bully can do to a person.  It can wreck them completely, it can cause them to hold themselves back, to be afraid to move up, to be afraid to live. IT HAS TO STOP!

Covering up the problem

I was really good at making up excuses for what was going on in my house. I was never the type in the past that would take credit for my mistakes. I always blaned it on someone or something else. I catch myself doing still sometimes and quickly try to correct myself.
The first time he hurt me, I mean when he choked me out, the next day I made excuses for him and forgave him like an idiot.. the next time when he hit me, threw me out of a moving truck and threatened to kill me I again made up stupid excuses partially blaming myself for his actions. I again forgave..
I packed up and left him because he wasn't holding up his end of the bargain,  no drugs or alcohol amd getting help. . He still hasn't forgave me. He still calls me names and manipulates me, he tricks me, he uses our kids against me for his gain.. and he expects me to respect him and cower to him.. I don't know what world he is living in because I am a changed girl!