It is crazy how I used to assume marriage and a relationship was supposed to work. I knew ultimately that things weren't right, but I also thought it wasn't so bad. I thought there was something wrong with ME for the longest time because it wasn't just him that was mean to me, his mom was too. He spent most of his time trying to convince me to let him buy drugs and TELLING, not asking, me to go buy liquor for him. I just dealt with it and kept slinking lower and lower into myself to where I thought I really was pathetic and worthless. I used to tell people I was completely talentless and couldn't do anything right because that is what I was told by them.. I figured it must be true.
I was pretty good at pretending things were ok in front of my family. The only times I ever complained was when he really upset me by getting drunk and calling me a bunch of bad names. They always told me to leave but I thought it would be better eventually. Within the last 2 years of our marriage, I started telling friends at work how much I wanted a divorce, but I had no idea how.. he told me over and over throughout the years that I would NEVER make it without him. He told me I would never have a career or be successful in anything and I believed that. I was so nervous to go try anything that I often screwed up job interviews and lab tests in college because he would be in my head telling me I can't do it, then his mom would pop in telling me I wasn't good enough to do it. After a while I gave up on everything. I just quit trying and sat at home and got lazy like he wanted.
After that wasn't good enough for him, he started telling me how much better all his friends teenager girlfriends were than me and how I should hang out with them in order to be like them. It was all for his own personal pleasure to have them around. Then he would brag about his sister buying a nice home or a new car and then tell me I can't have nice things because I'm not good enough for them.
Even nearly 3 years after leaving him he still sends me messages monthly telling me I am trash and worthless then goes and tells anyone who will listen and agree with him. It is sad he can't just move on and leave it alone but no... his ultimate goal is to hurt me in life and try his best to destroy anything good that comes my way. He has even threatened to have his friends tell my husband I cheated on him with them just so he would leave me. He sets me up with questions he knows will anger me so he can take it to a lawyer and attempt to get my visitation with my kids taken away. I am sure his lawyer is actually his mother but it is the problem that comes out of his mouth that is hurtful. I just wish he would just stop and leave me alone. I don't understand why I deserve to be treated this way. I am not mean to him. He will never ever be happy with life until I am starving, homeless, addicted to crack, in jail, and never able to see my kids again. I have news for him, it will NEVER happen...
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