Control IS Abuse

Many of you don't realize your are in a controlling relationship. I know I never did. People kept saying towards the end of my marriage that I needed to stand up for myself. I didn't know why. I thought I had a perfect amount of say in our marriage since I took care of paying bills, cleaning, the kids, groceries, errands.. and so on and so on.. until one day I realized, I was doing EVERYTHING other than going to work. My ex husband never lifted a finger period other than going to his job. Both kids, he rarely fed them or changed a diaper. He NEVER got up in the middle of the night to care for them, he would throw a fit if I asked him to change diapers. He would say, I was the woman, that was my job. That was control.
I wasn't allowed to work. He didn't stop me from going out to find a job, it was just I had to find one with the same hours and days off as him or no go. That was about impossible. When I did get a job, after I would get a paycheck or two, he would throw fits about me going because he would have to sit with the kids..which never happened. They went to daycare or his family's house. So within a month I was forced to quit my job, even if I liked it. That was control.
His mom and sister were very rude with me. They would constantly criticize, well everything I did, even if I did the same as them..not good enough. If I went shopping for anything other than house hold stuff, I was nagged about being selfish and spending on myself, even though they did that daily. If I would go tan or to the salon I would get ridiculed for spending on myself although they did that and spent way more than me. When I went and got a tattoo, that erupted big time. They were so mad they immediately tattled to my ex and he got mad at me for spending. They would criticize my parenting and tell me I needed to be like his sister, who had no kids at that time.. but I was a bad mom for working and not staying with the kids and when I didn't work, I was bad for not earning an income. No matter what I was a terrible person and he would defend THEM. That was control.
I was told, not asked every time he decided to change jobs and we would move across the country, which was well over 25 times in 9 years. I had to pack everything ALONE. I had to unpack ALONE. That was control.
It got to where he stopped asking if he could buy drugs. He just brought them home even though I would beg him to quit so I could quit. I had no willpower.. He stopped asking if he could go to the bar with his friends if they got off early. He would just come home drunk, and with an 80$ plus bar tab on our bank account. It always ended in a bad fight because the lies would roll in about what kind of bar he went to would pour in. It was always some hole in the wall place that turned out being somewhere where some girl who liked him worked that was super hot and wore skimpy clothes or as far as I know, they "accidentally" went to the strip clubs. He said he didnt know..ya right. That was control.
There is so many ways to look at control. I could go on for miles about my struggle. But I just wanted to share some insight on the subject and maybe help you identify what or who is controlling you!